we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
