Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
