I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
