Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
