I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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