The brown eye won't let me do that either.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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