The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
