I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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