I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
