the day after is always just damage control
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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