He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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