Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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