I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
