1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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