The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize