My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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