i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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