I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
