my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
