This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
