DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
