Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
