Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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