I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize