I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
