So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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