dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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