he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
