JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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