Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize