Betty ford says i'm here all night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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