life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
