You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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