I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
