No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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