Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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