her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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