I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
