Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
