Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
