Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
