ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
