I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
