I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
