How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
