you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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