yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
