I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
