Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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