areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
a search helicopter?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
