I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
