i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
