broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
