we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
