i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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