Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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