So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
