Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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