just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
