don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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