Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
