I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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