I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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