Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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