Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
