I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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