I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
