I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
