Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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