I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
